Dear Quaid,
My doctor tells me my puppy is a Coprophagic. Does this mean that she could die? What exactly is Coprophagia and can it be cured?
Henry Townsend
Bixby, OK
Henry, my animal-loving friend,
Coprophagia is formal term for eating feces, whether it belongs to a dog or some other animal. Feces usually contain an undigested or semi-digested material that can provide needed nutrients for dogs. Nursing bitches naturally consume their puppies' feces to keep the nest clean and perhaps to keep predators from picking up the scent and harming the litter. In any event, what is perfectly acceptable to a canine is quite unacceptable to humans.
Treatment for Coprophagia involves several remedies. Feces should be picked up immediately from the yard to remove the opportunity to consume it. Training your dog to defecate on command (see House Training) will assist you with this. Bored dogs that are inactive or alone for long periods can become Coprophagiac. Exercise and stimulation are called for in these cases.
Some veterinarians have suggested that the behavior may be cause by a deficiency of B vitamins and vitamin K that can be found in feces.
Meaty diets often times result in aromatic stools so dry kibble is recommended. All such dogs should be fed a consistent, balanced diet in two or three short meals a day. Treating the pre-eaten food with monosodium glutamate (Accent) is said to make the stool undesirable. I have gotten mixed feedback on this practice.
Simple aversion therapy can be done by letting the dog approach the stool on a long lead. If he starts sniffing it, give a strong leash check. If he passes by, praise him.
Best of luck to you and your Coprophagic dog,
QD
Military School
Dear Quaid Davis,
I would like to get your professional opinion on something that happened to me a long time ago but still affects me.
I am a Carpet Shampooer by trade. I come from a very wealthy family of doctors, lawyers and politicians. I was a spoiled rotten kid who got everything I every wanted. About the time I reached puberty I started to realize that I would never be able to live with myself if I didn’t learn to respect people and their things. So, at my own request, I was enrolled in a military academy where I could learn some discipline.
I was enlisted with a group of 11 other cadets and our platoon was commanded by Captain Reginald Bovier. He was a sixth year cadet who would graduate to West Point at the end of my first year.
Our platoon practiced a nightly ritual that had a very profound impact on who I was to become. Each night after barracks inspection, we strip totally naked put on a long black hooded robe, and gather anonymously around the ping pong table in the Rec. Room. Once we 12 had completely encircled the table the Captain would enter wearing a spandex body suit with the crotch cut out of them. He would produce 13 shot glasses, a pair of dice, and a hand full of marbles; 12 white, and one black. We would each take a white marble and a shot glass, the Captain, of course, took the black marble, and a shot glass.
I would like to get your professional opinion on something that happened to me a long time ago but still affects me.
I am a Carpet Shampooer by trade. I come from a very wealthy family of doctors, lawyers and politicians. I was a spoiled rotten kid who got everything I every wanted. About the time I reached puberty I started to realize that I would never be able to live with myself if I didn’t learn to respect people and their things. So, at my own request, I was enrolled in a military academy where I could learn some discipline.
I was enlisted with a group of 11 other cadets and our platoon was commanded by Captain Reginald Bovier. He was a sixth year cadet who would graduate to West Point at the end of my first year.
Our platoon practiced a nightly ritual that had a very profound impact on who I was to become. Each night after barracks inspection, we strip totally naked put on a long black hooded robe, and gather anonymously around the ping pong table in the Rec. Room. Once we 12 had completely encircled the table the Captain would enter wearing a spandex body suit with the crotch cut out of them. He would produce 13 shot glasses, a pair of dice, and a hand full of marbles; 12 white, and one black. We would each take a white marble and a shot glass, the Captain, of course, took the black marble, and a shot glass.
We would each in turn masturbate into our respective shot glasses and drop in our marbles. The Captain would then roll the dice. Each player would pass hiss glass to his right the rolled number of times. The dice would then be passed to the right until each player had rolled the dice once. At the end, the person that ended up with the black marble would be forced to drink all of the glasses of semen, then be sodomized by all the players.
If the captain ended up with the black marble, each player would be forced to drink their own glass of semen, then be sodmized by the captain. I only lasted about 3 semesters then I just couldn’t take it anymore. I was too humiliated to go back to my family so I sneaked off in the middle of the night and have made my own way. Did I make the correct decisions?
Lloyd Ratzenburger
Coweta, OK
Lloyd, my poor fellow,
I only finished 2 semesters myself. To answer your questions: Yes, No, Yes.
All my hopes,
QD
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