Dear Quaid,
I have a strange desire to masturbate when ever I see a dairy cow. Is this possibly a normal hormonal reaction triggered by being breast fed until I was 9 years old?
Morty Callahan Jr.
Bixby, OK
Morty, you poor man, It is quite possible that your urges to masturbate are caused by your prolonged bonding with your obviously perverted mother but I have a feeling that the root of your problem stems from your unresolved hatred for your father who sexually abused you into your adolescence.
I would strongly recommend that you see a doctor about your little problem. He will probably recommend that you wear a cobalt penile restraint belt and suck on a pacifier for 6 to 9 months.
I wish you the best my friend.
QD
Quaid Davis
Perhaps my upbringing played a part in the way I see the world. I was orphaned at 13 but I never let adversity stand in the way of accomplishment. I put my sister and myself through college and paid for it without taking a dime from anyone. I have spent most of my adult life traveling the world; a student of human nature. Now I have started this website in order to share my brilliant insights with you, the commoner.
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